Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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