the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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