I'm eating all of the evidence.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
