Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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