I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
