I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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