There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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