I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
