Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
