they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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