u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
