My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
