hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
