Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So much rum. So many feels.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
