I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
