I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
