fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
