Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
