No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
