i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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