what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
