So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
