I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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