I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
