They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
