1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Found the puke drawer
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
