If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
