wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
