Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
