We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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