meet me or not, i'm out of control
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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