you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
