How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i think my cat just said my name.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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