Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
