i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is Oprah even human
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
