how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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