I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
