Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
