he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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