Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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