she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
