dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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