..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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