She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
