I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
