Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
