wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
