I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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