at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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