Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
