omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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